"When I first wrote the book, I was sitting there by myself and I just wrote what I wanted to. I wasn’t really considering it being published"
In this interview, Amy shares her thoughts on creative expression during early recovery, offering advice for those looking to tell their own stories. She emphasizes the importance of taking things slowly and gently, suggesting that consistent, small efforts can lead to meaningful outcomes. Amy also discusses her perspective on anonymity in AA, explaining that it’s a personal decision whether to break it. As she reflects on her own recovery journey, Amy highlights her books The Outrun and The Instant, and the recent release of The Outrun film in the UK.
This interview was conducted in June 2024, and was originally printed in Performing Recovery Issue 7. She is interviewed by Molly Mathieson, founder of the New Note Orchestra.
You can hear this interview as a podcast on our Patreon.
Molly: For those who haven’t read The Outrun, could you give us a summary of the book?
Amy: The book is a memoir about my life. In particular, it’s about a period when I returned home to the Orkney Islands, where I grew up, after getting out of rehab in London. It focuses on the first couple of years of my recovery, which involved Orkney holding on to me while I was working on my dad’s sheep farm and moving out to the small Orkney island of Papay.
As much as it’s about me and my recovery, it’s also a book about place. It’s about the Orkney Islands, island life, the history and folklore of the islands. It’s about the natural world of the islands – the birds and the tides and what’s going on with the cosmos. There’s a lot of factual information – things outside of myself.
Molly: Why do you think it has resonated so well?
Amy: It’s a story about recovery and turning your life around, and that is attractive to people because it’s not what always happens, particularly to addicts. The majority of addicts don’t manage to get sober, but we want to have a story of hope. I think readers apply this idea not just to substances or alcohol but to whatever struggle they might be going through. It widens out into a story of all different kinds of recovery.
Going to live by myself in a cottage on a small island – there’s something quite attractive about that. It’s something that you see again and again in literature. It’s a fantasy for many people – being able to take yourself off to an isolated place like that.
There was also a lot of luck involved. The book filled a gap in the market when it was published, and I had some nice photographs taken of me with a lot of white space behind them that magazine editors liked using in their layouts. Because of this, the book got quite a lot of early publicity. Things can just happen to gain traction through luck.
It’s a good book. I put a lot of work into it and redrafted it a few times. I was proud of the quality of it when I finished it and hoped to get it published. But that was the extent of my ambitions. I could never have imagined that it would have had the success that it had.
"Performing recovery and artists in recovery are very dear to me because it’s all intertwined. My writing is a big part of what has kept me sober."
Molly: So many people like to record their early recovery journeys through songs, film or writing. Was this writing part of that kind of expressing yourself in early recovery?
Amy: I’ve been a writer and a diarist all my life. It was only natural that when quite extreme things happened to me, like being in the treatment centre, I would write about it. I looked around at all the interesting people with different stories, and with the big changes that I was going through at that time, I thought, ‘This is great material.’ I started keeping a blog about the 90 days in the treatment centre, and I showed it to a handful of people.
Most evenings, I’d sit there and write 300-500 words. I did that quite consistently, and by the end of three months, I had 20,000 words. It was the best stuff I’d ever written. I was finding a different voice to how I’d written before. It was really a very creative time. I was writing about getting sober, but the fact that I was writing more and better than I’d written before was a motivator to stay sober as well.
Performing recovery and artists in recovery are very dear to me because it’s all intertwined. My writing is a big part of what has kept me sober.
Molly: Family members feature quite heavily in The Outrun. How did you negotiate telling their stories as well as your own?
Amy: When I first wrote the book, I was sitting by myself and I just wrote what I wanted to. I wasn’t really considering it being published, other people seeing it or asking permission. I was just writing what I needed and wanted to write. I would encourage other people to do the same. If you’ve got a story that you need to tell, don’t let yourself be stopped by worries about those issues because they can be addressed at a later stage.
For instance, when I realised the book was going to be published, I showed it to my parents and other key people in it and gave them a chance to say if they objected to anything or disagreed with something. Other characters in the book have their identity obscured – they aren’t identifiable to anybody who doesn’t know me closely. So there are different ways of negotiating the use of other people in a real-life story.
I wrote the book when I was 30, and I’m in my 40s now. I was a bit more reckless then compared to now. It has a real rawness and recklessness that I’m grateful for. However, I might be a little bit more restrained or careful if I were to write a book about my life now. I was really hungry to write at that time, but it’s something I’ve worried about over the years – whether I’ve done the right thing in writing about my family. It comes at a cost.
Molly: The book feels so true and authentic because you include so much of their stories. But it must be tricky territory to kind of be in, especially when it’s your story and you’re deciding how much of their story is told.
Amy: That’s something that comes up again and again when I talk to people who are starting out writing. When you’re working in the territory of memoir, these are big issues. The thing I say to writers is don’t not write your story just because you’re worried about things you can deal with at a later stage.
Molly: How do you manage the retelling of more difficult aspects of your story, for example, when you’re talking at literary festivals or with students?
Amy: Some of the most difficult parts of the book aren’t the sections that I would read out at a book event. Most interviewers are quite sensitive about asking about the most violent or difficult parts. When I wrote them, I did it quickly and factually, and I was focused on the craft of the writing – somewhat detached from reality.
But sometimes there are occasions when I have to read a bit back and the reality of it hits me. But it’s so far away and I’m doing well now, so it’s the kind of reminder that I need about how far I’ve come and how difficult things were.
Molly: Your most recent book, The Instant, gives a description of loneliness that is painfully accurate. There are themes similar to The Outrun – the search for meaning or trying to fill a void. Do you feel that you’re grappling with these things still, or do you think you found some peace in your recovery?
Amy: Yes, in a way. When I was writing The Instant, I thought, ‘Oh gosh, am I writing the same book as The Outrun?’ But it’s heartbreak rather than alcohol. Some things are just part of my character, if you look at your life you will find that there are kind of repeating patterns.
As a writer or artist, there are themes that you come back to. I am particularly interested in writing about healing – about the moment when the light comes in, and things come together after a rough time. It’s okay to return to themes and to have something that’s your territory as a writer.
My life has moved on since both of those books. I’m still sober, 13 years in now. I’m a mum. I have two small children and a partner, and my life is quite stable. Having my writing is huge. My dad died a few weeks ago, and I felt like the fact that I could write about it helped me. I always have writing, whatever happens in my life, I can synthesise my experiences, good and bad.
"If you’re feeling motivated to write or express yourself creatively in early recovery, go for it. This stuff can be hugely helpful as an outlet."
Molly: What would be your advice if somebody wanted to tell their story while in recovery?
Amy: If you’re feeling motivated to write or express yourself creatively in early recovery, go for it. This stuff can be hugely helpful as an outlet. Go easy with the ambition of what you’re making. Work little and often – if you do something a small amount on a regular basis, you can build something up rather than being too ambitious. In the early days of recovery, you need to be very gentle with yourself – don’t say something like “I’m going to write an opera in the first 90 days.”
There are different opinions about anonymity in AA. Some people have the idea that you should always remain anonymous, but I take that anonymity to be more about the other people that I meet in the fellowship rather than my own anonymity. It is my own decision about whether I break that anonymity or not. Go for it – but go gently.
The Outrun and The Instant are published by Canongate Books and are available in all good bookstores. The film of The Outrun is out across the UK now.
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